Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
