why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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