how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
