So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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