I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
