Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
try to milk me bitch
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize