So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
