I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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