He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
