he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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