thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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