i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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