if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
