Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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