high people should be assigned attendants
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
