ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
