this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
