Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The dick lei will go down in squad history
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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