1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize