@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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