They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
