He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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