That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize