i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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