it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
