My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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