maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
