my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
