there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
