Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
