Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
