when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My underwear smells like fireworks.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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