Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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