You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
