thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
