can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
