Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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