Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
