no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
