you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
