I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wear drunk well.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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