Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
