First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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