My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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