Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
tell me about the fingering
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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