Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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