There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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