apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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