I got chris browned last night
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
