yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
