if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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