How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
