I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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