Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
