I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
FUCK WHALES
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