I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
