2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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