I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
