and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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