i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm at about main and main street
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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