im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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