Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
