I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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