I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
