I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
