I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
