better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
