I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
