my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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