As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
