This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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