Rock
Scissors
Fuck
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
