she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
