I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
