you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
