Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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