community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
